


Last Goodbye

by Of_stars_and_moon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:49:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_stars_and_moon/pseuds/Of_stars_and_moon
Summary: "There's nothing you can do, Sirius," Regulus said, shaking his head, but the anger had left his voice, instead there was something familiar that reminded Sirius of those late night conversations when they were younger.(As Sirius' seventh year is almost over, he and Regulus have a conversation that leaves Sirius shaken)
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56
Collections: Wolfnoote





	Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dearsirius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearsirius/gifts).



> This is my wolfnoote for Aly! I was so excited to write this for you! You asked for any kind of hurt/comfort so I went for the emotional hurt/comfort! I hope you like it!

Sirius walked through the corridors of the dungeons late at night. He knew it was probably to no avail but a part of him hoped he'd stumble across his young brother. He had no idea what he'd say but he just wanted to talk to Regulus before leaving, maybe even try to reconcile. 

He walked absently as memories of their childhood came to him and he let himself get lost in them— trying to ignore the bad ones— so when he turned around a corridor, he almost stumbled as he came face to face with his brother. 

Regulus' face flickered with surprise before he masked his expressions with practiced disinterest. "Sirius. What are you doing here?" 

"I was looking for Professor Slughorn actually," Sirius lied, as it felt easier than admitting the actual reason. "Have you seen him?"

"No, I haven't. Did you need something?"

"Not really - It's just-"

"Why are you really here, Sirius?" Regulus asked, always able to see through Sirius. 

Dropping the façade, Sirius sighed, "I wanted to see you."

Regulus huffed out a humorless laugh, "See me? Why?"

Sirius shrugged. "I wanted to talk to you before I left."

"Oh." Regulus' face was still blank, emotions masked.

"And I wanted to apologize, I guess."

For a brief moment, disbelief flickered over Regulus' face. Sirius hardly apologized to people. "What for?"

"A lot… I mean, to be honest, I didn't really do a good job of being a big brother." 

"Well, it's all in the past now." 

Only it wasn't. Sirius still spent days feeling guilty for leaving Regulus, he still woke up from nightmares of that place and worried if Regulus was okay. "Maybe it could still work, Reg," he said. He didn't remember the last time he had called Regulus by his nickname. "You could leave. You could stay with me."

If Regulus was surprised by the nickname or Sirius' statement, he didn't show it. "That is not possible," he replied in a flat voice, but Sirius could see him tensing up.

Sirius should have expected it, but he didn't want to give up yet. "We could try. I have uncle Alfred's flat, we could-"

"Drop it, Sirius," Regulus cut him off and now there was a harshness to his voice. "You made your choice a long time ago and now I made mine."

"What… What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked, feeling uneasy.

Regulus was fiddling with his sleeve, suddenly looking nervous. "Nothing."

"Regulus, what do you mean?" He thought about the many newspaper headlines speaking of Voldemort and the death eaters, and realization dawned on him, freezing his blood to ice. "Reg, please tell me you didn't do it. Tell me you weren't stupid enough to do it!" He couldn't keep his voice from raising, the fear morphing into anger and cruel words. 

"I didn't have a choice!" Regulus snapped and Sirius almost stumbled back at the admission. No this couldn't be happening. "And why do you even care? You have another family now, don't you? Go back to your precious friends."

He began to turn away but Sirius caught his sleeve, heart beating frantically. "I don't-" He took a shuddering breath, trying to keep the anger at his parents and everything at bay. "Please I can't- We can still fix this. We'll figure something out." 

"There's nothing you can do, Sirius," Regulus said, shaking his head, but the anger had left his voice, instead there was something familiar that reminded Sirius of those late night conversations when they were younger and his heart clenched painfully. 

"No, there has to be something. I'll- I'll figure something out. I'll do anything to protect you. I'll even go back there." He meant it. He would do something to convince his parents to let Regulus go. He didn't know how, but he would. 

"You can't do that," Regulus said. "And it doesn't matter anymore." 

"It matters to me," Sirius said and heard Regulus' breath catch. When was the last time he had admitted that Regulus was important to him? "We'll run away. I don't care. We'll figure something out." 

"It's okay, Sirius," Regulus said, then with a sad smile that didn't reach his eyes, continued, "You protected me all those years and that was enough. But you can't anymore." 

Sirius shut his eyes. He knew this was a lost battle now. There was nothing he could do. He failed to protect his brother. "I can't lose you, Reg." 

Regulus sighed heavily. "We lost each other a long time ago, don't you think?" he said but it wasn't a barb, just a statement. 

"I'm sorry," Sirius muttered. 

"It wasn't your fault. Maybe it was both ours, or our parents' or just the fate or something. But it doesn't matter now. Maybe we'll meet again when all this ends, who knows? Or maybe in the afterlife." 

"Don't say that," Sirius choked out, shaking his head. 

"I was always too straightforward, remember?" Then stepping back, and with that sad smile on his face again, Regulus said, "Goodbye, Sirius." 

And without another word, Regulus walked away, leaving Sirius standing there, staring after him. No No No. This couldn't happen. Reg- His brother couldn't be a death eater. He was just a kid.

It was all his fault. He should've never left. He should have stayed and taken all his parents' rage, and became a death eater. It should have been him instead of Regulus. He felt sick, guilt and regret building up in him. He forced himself to breathe through his choked throat and walked back towards the Gryffindor tower. 

His heart grew heavier with every step, sadness and fear crashing down on him. He couldn't stop thinking about Regulus with the other death eaters, dueling, having to hurt people and Regulus lying dead somewhere in a pool of his own blood. 

That thought made his feet stop and he leaned against the wall near the portrait of the Fat Lady and took a shuddering breath. He desperately wished this was just a nightmare and he would wake up. 

He heard footsteps approaching so he muttered the password to the Fat Lady and entered the common room, where James and Peter were playing chess. He passed unnoticed and went up to their dorm; Remus wasn't there so he assumed he was in the library. 

Knowing he could use some fresh air, he made his way to the roof and was surprised to see Remus sitting there huddled under his robes. 

He looked up as Sirius approached him. "Oh, hi." 

"Hey," Sirius said, and noticing Remus' slightly shivering form, shrugged off his robe and draped it on Remus' shoulder. The other boy made a sound of protest but Sirius said, "You look very cold and I'm not. So don't." 

"Thanks," Remus said, hugging the robe close to him. 

Sirius sat down beside him, greeting him with a kiss on his cheek and turned to gaze out at the dark sky. The silence was comfortable but Sirius' mind drifted back to Regulus' words and without realizing, he inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. 

"Everything okay?" Remus asked him. 

Sirius nodded but then shook his head. He was never good at lying to Remus anyway. "I saw Reg." 

"Oh… How did it go?" 

"Like it always does. We argued. Remus, he is..." He ran his hands over his face and let out a shaky breath. "He is a fucking death eater now." 

Remus let out a gasp. "Fuck. Sirius, that is…" 

"He's just a kid, Remus. I… l shouldn't have left him there." 

"Sirius, it's not your fault." 

"It is! I ran away but he is still stuck there. I should have protected him but I failed and now he's going to fucking follow Voldemort." He dropped his head in his hands, swallowing hard. "What if he dies, Re? What if  _ I  _ kill him?" 

"Sirius, I know this is a terrible thing. But you can't blame yourself," Remus said, placing a hand on his jaw. "You couldn't have stayed there. And before you left, you did try to make him understand that your parents were wrong. It's not your fault that he couldn't understand. And he's a good dueler. He'll… He'll be able to take care of himself." 

Sirius nodded, breathing heavily. "I don't want him to die. I… I hate how they manipulate him, but he's still my brother… I just wish he would have given me a chance." 

Remy wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "He'll be okay. And so will you." 

Sirius blinked against the tears and leaned his forehead against Remus' shoulder, breathing in his scent. If Remus heard his sniffles, he didn't say anything about it, just held Sirius close. 

"I...Can you talk about something else?" Sirius said hoarsely. "I don't want to think." 

"Sure," Remus replied, pressing a gentle kiss to his head. 

Sirius didn't know if it would be okay or what leaving Hogwarts held for them, but sitting there under the stars, listening to the boy he loved talk about nothing and everything, he could pretend that things would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and reviews are really appreciated!


End file.
